Black Bean…Birthday…Burgers?

Mike’s mom, who will henceforth be referred to as Momma K (or, if you want: “Cool Momma K,” or “Hip Momma K”) had a birthday yesterday. Since she’s awesome, she got to spend the whole day hanging out at home waiting for the Verizon guy to show up, perhaps playing a little Zuma. Sounds like a fun night, right? The woman knows how to party.

Momma K is no ordinary lady. When we visit, which isn’t often enough because she lives on top of a mountain in Pennsylvania that I’m not one hundred percent sure shows up on a map, she rolls out the red carpet. I’ve never seen her kitchen empty and not a single request from my fiance goes denied. (This actually says a lot about Mike and my relationship, since I’m almost certain that he stays with me for the food, or at least was lured by it, but alas, that’s a post for another day.) Her meals are so yummy, I usually gain a few pounds when we visit, which says a lot because she’s a carnivore! She taught me how to sew, is absurdly grateful for whatever meager gifts we can rummage together for various holidays, and even makes her own blogging dog’s food. So let me repeat the statement I made above–She spent her birthday waiting for the Verizon guy to show up and fix her phone.

All this woman wants this year, out of the plethora of yummy things I offered to make to celebrate her birthday, were a few black bean burgers, maybe even the recipe. Good god, how could I deny her?

Smoky Black Bean Burgers of Birthday Happy Times
1 15 oz can Black Beans, drained and rinsed
1/2 c Oats
1 tbs Ketchup
2 tsb Mustard (Dijon if you have it!)
1/4 cup Molasses
4 dashes Liquid Smoke
1 tsp Garlic Powder
1/2 tsp (or more!) Chilli Powder

In a medium mixing bowl, take your black beans and mash the living hell out of them. This is easily done with a potato masher (I’m almost positive you own one. It’s probably next to the rolling pin) or a fork, and is an excellent way to vent any lingering frustration over, say, the Verizon guy not showing up until 8 PM.
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Mash those until they stop reminding you of his stupid, wire toting face! >:^O

They’ll look like this.
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Mmmmm. Appealing huh? Stir in your liquid goods. Be careful to make sure all the molasses poured out, since it has a tendency to stick to everything except the food it was intended for. (Note: If you don’t have molasses–and you should. Definitely worth the price and you can often get a decent deal on certain brands–you could swap the molasses and ketchup for barbecue sauce, but it’s really not gonna taste nearly as good. It’ll still be tasty though.) Add in the oats and spices and stir until thoroughly combined. At this point, if you want, you can add some other spices or adjust anything you want. These are beans, not hamburger, so you can really easily taste as you go.

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You’ll notice that this has the consistency of…well…don’t worry about it.

Take a big ol’ handful of the stuff and pat it down into patties. Relax if it feels a little too moist. You want this, trust me. If they were dryer and more easy to pat down they would be crumbly at the end, and you might as well have eaten a can of baked beans, drained and left out in the sun for a few hours.

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That’s much better!

Lightly coat a pan with oil and cook them over medium heat for about five minutes on each side.

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Top them with whatever you want and serve! I went with a ketchup, mustard, veganaise, tomato, pickle and onion combo.

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They’re also good with Teriyaki sauce, pineapple, (yes, I am naming a burger made famous by a chain restaurant), mushrooms is your family would freaking eat them or whatever you want. Try making over your favorite “real” burger using these patties. Trust me, it’s still tasty.

Sometimes, I’ll add things into them to give it a little more punch. These add ins include, but are not limited to: corn, chopped carrots, sauteed onions, a few scoops of nutritional yeast, some vegan cheese, and chopped bell pepper. These are all pretty good, but to be honest, I’m not the biggest fan of finding crunchy things in my burger so I usually don’t do the carrot thing anymore. Most of the time, we just eat them this way, and they’re yummy and go great with sweet potato or *gasp* regular fries.

Happy Birthday Momma K!

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8 responses »

    • It’s delicious! Super easy too, except for the part where you have to transfer the patty to the skillet. They get a little floppy until they cook (which is fine, because I seem to remember ground beef doing the same thing, back in the “dark ages”). Enjoy!

  1. These are similar to our bean cakes, but the only thing we add to our day old soup beans is flour, though-maybe some diced onion and/or green pepper. So yummy with cheese on top, salsa or hot sauce. Good grief, how many of those did I eat when I was preggo with your sis?

    • Man, bean cakes nothing. You were the QUEEN of enchiladas when you were expecting Jess. If it was horrific Mexican food, it was at risk for dangerously fast consumption by an angry pregnant lady. I tried to share tacos with you once and you damn near bit my finger. 🙂

  2. The burgers completely lived up to my expectations! Thank you them and for sharing your recipe so I can try to replicate it. Now….when are you going to let the rest of the world know how to make those oh-so-delish sweet potato fries? We devoured them, too.

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