The Three Bears

This is the story of the three bears.

The first bear is a huge pain in the ass to get out of bed and laid comatose for a good two hours after another bear had woken up and started being a grownup.


This bear is really upset to be photographed instead of gently being nudged awake by ignoring the alarm clock for twenty minutes. It took two more photos and the threat of being beaten senselessly to get it out of bed.


The next bear was eager to rub the sleep from her eyes and hop out of bed. Note the terrifying look of cheer on the bear’s face. Five minutes later the bear will begin to sob inconsolably about not being able to find a clean skirt.

The third bear refused to have her picture taken, thinks you and everything else is stupid, and has spent two hours draining the coffee supply and translating adapted Biblical Greek. Do not approach this bear, she is very dangerous.

The third bear was horrified to discover they were out of porridge.


So she made the bears some oatmeal, filled with fiber, protein and fruity goodness, to keep them from killing each other.

Bananaberry Oatmeal (serves 3)

3 cups water

1 1/2 cups old fashioned oats

1/2 cup blueberries

1 banana, sliced

1/4 walnuts

2 tbs maple syrup or sugar of choice

1 tsp cinnamon (or to taste)

1/4 tsp ground ginger (or to taste)

In a medium saucepan bring the water, banana, blueberries, maple syrup, and spices to a boil. Add oats and walnuts and reduce heat to simmer. Simmer for ten minutes, serve, and do your best not to eat the neighbors in the interim (mission: failed).

Cooking the fruit first and adding the oats renders the banana mushy, giving the oats a creamy consistency without milk (dairy or otherwise) and adding extra sweetness. Using old fashioned oats is tastier, healthier and CHEAPER (by a lot!) than those nasty microwaveable pouches you’ve been eating. Seriously, quit it. Nuts add some protein and healthy fats. Feel free to experiment with different fruit and nut combos, as there are so many good and yummy ideas for oatmeal that those disgusting little paper packets (ewwwww) can’t even begin to provide you with. All for about four bucks a container. WIN!

Back to the bears.

The first bear managed to get dressed and brush his teeth after scarfing down this oatmeal. He even remembered to put on his pants.

The second bear found a pair of pink sweatpants and suddenly had a new lease on life. The oatmeal then gave her the energy to give the third bear a significant amount of lip and throw a monumental tantrum after having a toy put in time out for the day.

The third bear laughed/cried it off, somehow made it to class, back home, and onto her couch. What’s that? She needs to go to the store? And cook dinner? And go on her run? And do her Latin homework?

The third bear needs a damn nap.


One response »

  1. Pingback: I’m Dealing With Some Stuff « Crunchy, Hip, and Painfully Broke

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